Codependent No More!

Codependency is a significant issue and I've seen it manifest in multiple contexts.

I worked for an organization where the c-suite executive was codependent upon an administrative manager and vice versa. It was such an odd dynamic to observe. Neither party could seem to make decisions without consulting the other despite the wide gap in their levels of authority and responsibility. I tried as best I could to at least identify it and voice it to the c-suite exec. The best they could do was agree with me. So bizarre to see codependency of this nature in a corporate setting.

I've observed codependency in a relationship where a man I knew had been in an abusive relationship for decades and upon the end of that marriage, he was not able to make decisions for his own person. It was a little heartbreaking to see him struggle with his decision-making.

For me, codependency manifests in my personal relationship, where I want to share everything with my partner. The challenge there is that sharing between genders is not actually the best way for a healthy partnership. Women typically want to share everything, it's what we do, it's our shared sisterhood bonding that we do... even the ambiguous emotional parallel-processing that we do, we want to share that with them, and sometimes men, in all fairness to them, don't want or need to hear it all. I'm making light of it, but it takes real maturity to understand this gender bias and how male and female brains process differently.

To learn more about how best to address my codependency behaviours, I found this book, Codependent No More and it was a breath of fresh air! I blew through it in two days.

To achieve not only independence, but full autonomy of and for oneself is... well liberating!

I am by no means perfect and I still muck up every once in a while (regularly), but I'm trying to operate on that higher level of consciousness and accountability every day.